They cut me, man, they cut me

So I had this operation yesterday. Operation’s a fancy word for it–in and out of the clinic in thirty minutes. But I had to lie around the house all day with ice on my scrotum, so I watched a movies.

Recommended, all:
“Songs from the Second Floor”–not really sure how to describe this, and the critics’ quotes on the box are terribly confused (“Short Cuts meets Night of the Living Dead” is one inept [and lousy] attempt). It’s an absurdist existential comedy of despair, by a Swede. The film is gloriously composed–each shot a fixed-cam tableau, the lighting and sky usually artificial. (In contrast to Sky Captain . . . actually I’ll put this in a comment there.) I laughed, I was intrigued, and my scrotum wasn’t hurting while I watched.

Two more…
“Odds Against Tomorrow” — 1959 noirish heist film by Robert Wise, starring the amazing Robert Ryan and the pretty damn good Harry Belafonte. The best thing about this is how the two protagonists’ bleak prospects are worked through so precisely, with such attention to socioeconomic conditions; Ryan’s racism is not just a convenient ploy for suspense, it’s part of where he comes from, and what he’s struggling with. It’s a smart, small wonder of a film.

“PTU” — renamed “Into the Perilous Night: PTU” for Americans, as if Hong Kong action films didn’t seem melodramatic enough on their own, or as if this addition actually would clarify the PTU part following. But get past that my friends–director Johnny To has made some strong films, always marked by a far better sense of how to choreograph both shots and editing to wring out comedy and suspense than 95% of Hollywood’s big guns. (I think a cheap Michael Bay shot would go here if I was writing for a newspaper.) Plot: cop loses his gun one night, and he and his colleagues need to get it back by dawn.

All of these films will soothe a swollen scrotum, and they’ll probably please in other ways, too.

7 thoughts on “They cut me, man, they cut me”

  1. I can’t believe there’s only one comment about Mike’s scrotum! Arnab is taking the easy option of guessing it was a vasectomy. Not I.

    Here’s a list of things that might have gone wrong with Mike’s ‘lil pal, and therefore required outpatient surgery on his scrotum.
    PENIS ENLARGEMENT Balloon and extra-dermal hand pump inserted through scrotum.
    PENIS REDUCTION After years of putting up with his mighty member, Kris finally convinces Mike to let them shave off a few superfluous inches, which will of course go to feed the starving flood victims in Tsunami.
    PENIS STRENGTHENING Steel shaft inserted through scrotum to give ‘Droopy’ a little simulated pep and vigor.
    INCONTINENCE Overactive bladder? That’s putting it mildly! Mike would wet himself at the drop of a hat. Or if you dropped a dish. Or if you made a mildly startling sound, like clapping your hands, or asking him a question… pretty much anything could set off his lawn sprinkler. And now that Max is making more headway in potty training than Mike is, he thought it was time to get it fixed by medical science.
    REMOVAL OF THIRD “EVIL” TESTE Much like those Iranian girls that seem to constantly have a second (evil) head growing out of the top of the “thinkin'” one, Mike has been cursed with a third – parasitic – teste that constantly hatches evil plans against the two “good” testes. The surgery should finally put an end to their bickering.
    COSMETIC SURGERY FOR NICER LOOKING TESTES After spending so many years in L.A., and failing to be picked on Love Connection, Mike decided it was finally time to take care of the one physical flaw that kept him up at night – unattractive testes. The new bold colorful testes will give Mike the confidence he needs to succeed in life and feel good about himself.

  2. I’m glad to see more discussion of my scrotum. But let me remind you: my scrotum is multi-faceted, and inscrutable. It may take many years of intensive study before you can begin to understand them.

    Dig in!

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